Kevin Wald: The Laughing Vulcan and his Dog


All right, here's my version of the song about the Laughing Vulcan
and his Dog (mentioned, but not sung, on Star Trek: TNG).
Those of you who have seen Gilbert & Sullivan's _HMS Pinafore_ should
be able to figure out the tune. Note: this is not Canon - in fact, the
only contrapunctal part is the chorus, which goes

   The Laughing, Laughing Vulcan,
   The Laughing, Laughing Vulcan,
   Sing hey, the Laughing Vulcan,
   And his Dog

and which I have omitted from the main body of the song, since the
elegant two-part counterpoint which is its only redeeming feature
is impossible to convey in a posting such as this.

Well, here goes:


"The Laughing Vulcan and his Dog"

This ditty is a lesson, a refrainy 'un
   (Sing hey, the song that serves as pedagogue)
About a certain mystical Vulcanian.
   (Sing hey, the Laughing Vulcan and his Dog)

In exile, Sybok leapt 'cross space's ocean
   (Sing hey, the Calaveras Jumping Frog)
Pursuing the elation of emotion.
   (Sing hey, the Laughing Vulcan and his Dog)

One day, on Earth, upon a bench sat Sybok
   (Sing hey, a math induc-ed mental fog)
Bemused by a conjecture due to Greibach.
   (Sing hey, the Laughing Vulcan and his Dog)

A puppy near the bench was in a puddle;
   (Sing hey, a postprecipitative bog)
It whined - 'twas out of sorts and in a muddle.
   (Sing hey, the Laughing Vulcan and his Dog)

Then Sybok touched the cur, and searched its psyche;
   (Sing hey, the pain through which he had to slog)
He smoothed out all the regions that were spiky.
   (Sing hey, the Laughing Vulcan and his Dog)

The Heavens heard the Vulcan's raucous laughter;
   (Sing hey, the mental slipping of a cog)
The mutt would follow Sybok ever after.
   (Sing hey, the Laughing Vulcan and his Dog)

What happened after that's another story;
   (Sing hey, disk V of Kirk's Official Log)
It happened when Jim Kirk was getting hoary.
   (Sing hey, the Laughing Vulcan and his Dog)