Kevin Wald: Alternate Xena Openings Few people realize that that wonderful opening sequence -- Xena suiting up, the "In a time of ancient gods . . ." speech, the Bulgarian chorus singing in the backround -- was but one of several possible ways the opening could have gone. Here are a few alternate openings to the show: ----------------------------------------------------------------- [We see Xena smiling and walking through various picturesque locations in Amphipolis, Amphisota. Someone offscreen starts singing:] Who can take the world on with her sword? Who can take a string of trout, And use it to fight off a zealot horde? Well, it's you, girl, and you should know it (Backed up, as always, by that cute little poet). Shlubs are all around, so let's get cracking; Isn't whomping thugs more fun than sacking? [Xena jubilantly tosses her chakram into the air.] You're gonna make it after -- AAAAAAAAAUUUGH! [Xena looks up, sees where the chakram has ended up, gives an "oops" shrug, and walks off.] ----------------------------------------------------------------- Geo, in goda timan, ond guthwearda, ond leodcyninga, lond on cease for haelthe hreop. Heo waes Sene, wealdcwen geworht on wiges haete. Seo miht ond mod, mynle ond frecen! Hire heortellen hwierfth hire woruld. (_Sene ond Gabrigelu_, vv. 1-6) ------------------------------------------------------------------ In time of goddes auncien, and kinges, And werre-lordes eek -- of olde, I mene -- A land in strife maked lamentinges, And criede for a hero. She was Xene. In batailles hete was this mighty queene Yforged wel -- what daunger, lust, and pour! The world will chaunged been by hir valour! (G. Chaucer, _Troilus and Xena_, vv. 1-7) ------------------------------------------------------------------ [Xena and Gab are skipping along in some kind of hopskotch pattern; Xena has a large capital 'xi' attached to her left breastplate. They are chanting:] Heis, duo, treis, tessares, Pente, hex, hepta, okto! Puh-seidon, Puh-sappho, Mellichophonous _Parthenoi_! [Music starts up, and the camera focuses on a giant "Welcome to Mycenae" sign. While the following is sung, we see clips of Xena & Gab in various zany situations:] We're gonna do it! Give us any fight, we'll take it, Even if we're fishing naked -- We're gonna make our dreams come true! (Doing it our way . . .) First we'll fight off all attacks, and Then we'll scrub each other's backs, and We're gonna make our dreams come true! (Doing it our way . . .) There is nothing we won't try, -- Never heard of physics, gravity, Timeframes, or that kind of stuff! (We're gonna do it!) On your mark, get set, and go now -- By the mother, maid, and crone, now, We're gonna make our dream come true. And we'll do it our way -- yes, our way -- Making our dream come true: A _menage a deux_. ----------------------------------------------------------------